Get all 26 Oli Spleen releases available on Bandcamp and save 55%.
Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of The Mirror, Still Life, These Days Will Pass, A Memory of a Memory, Refugee, How Wild the Wind Blows, Out of The Dirt / Albatross, The Garden ~ Hollow Moon, and 18 more.
1. |
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Never had there been such perseverance
In the face of ultimate indifference
So here's where the new story begins
Stepping out onto an unknown limb
Ah but nobody's listening
Nobody's listening to my song
In consonants and vowels I disembowelled myself nightly
And I meant every single word, you mustn't take this lightly
I tore my heart apart in tiny pieces
It's yours now to devour but I feel defeated
Because nobody's listening
Nobody's listening to my song
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2. |
Gaslight
01:54
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I guess we only made it through
By lying lots and cheating
But I learned that all from you
Seems like all of us need secrets
Now I must take back my life
Your life is yours and you can keep it
I've endured your shit too long
You left me broken and defeated
You wanted someone who'd be faithful
Someone who'd be true
Someone who would do all the things
You found so hard to do
Someone to put the blame on
To deflect your crazed abandon
Oh get down from your high horse
It’s not got a leg to stand on
All this trauma
All this drama
Will come back to you in karma
All this trauma
All this drama
Will come back to you again
When you hurt me
When you harm me
When there’s no way to disarm you
All this trauma
All this drama
All this trauma
All this drama
I'm not pretending to be pure
I'm not claiming to be saintly
Dragged myself through every sewer
And those experiences taint me
But I crawled out of that crap
And it seems you don't even try
And who but us can see
The life that lies behind your lie
But all this trauma
All this drama
Will come back to you in karma
All this trauma
All this drama
Will come back to you again
When you hurt me
When you harm me
When there’s no way to disarm you
All this trauma
All this drama
All this trauma
All this drama
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3. |
Almost Young
02:45
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When I was an old man
Many moons ago
Regrets and fears would cloud my years
I had no space to grow
But now the clouds are parting
It feels like spring has sprung
I'm learning how to live life
And I'm nearly almost young
Life is what we make it
I'll contribute my verse
And extract inspiration
From all things I can't reverse
There's feasts that must be tasted
And songs that should be sung
Let me embrace not waste this
Now I'm nearly almost young
And as we play the game of life
We find it's not so fair
'Cause though we fight with all our might
It seems we go nowhere
And as we climb the ladders
We find snakes on every rung
A slide to the inevitable
Ending that must come
So when I'm on my death bed
Be it near or far away
I hope I will have few regrets
Blown chances, wasted days
'Cause we're only here so briefly
As we satellite a sun
Whose rays give light and life
So we may learn to become young
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4. |
Never Known
03:32
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I wish I’d never seen your face
And looked deep in those eyes
I wish I had the insight
To see through your cheap disguise
I wish I wasn’t blinded
By a longing to be loved
I wish I wasn’t weak
I should be cynical and tough
I wish I’d never know you
Wish I’d never heard your lies
I wish I’d never glimpsed
The silent suffering in your eyes
And felt that I could feel you
I hoped that I could heal you
But now I wish I’d never known you
As I’ll bet you wish you’d never met me
Why did I think that I could fix you
When I opened up my heart
You left me bruised and broken
Should have seen it at the start
Now I’m at the end of a great mess
I should not have let begin
This war that you created
That neither of us could win
I wish I’d never know you
Wish I’d never heard your lies
I wish I’d never glimpsed
The pent-up pain behind your eyes
And felt that I could feel you
I hoped that I could heal you
Oh why is my heart guided
By such longing and such lust
That it lets down its defences
As it opens wide with trust
For someone who was toxic
Who would only drag me down
You were the weight around my neck
That tried to make me drown
Well now your poison’s in my system
You’re still underneath my skin
And I wish I’d never met you
Wish I’d never let you in
I wish I’d never know you
Wish I’d never heard your lies
I wish I’d never glimpsed
That tortured terror in your eyes
And felt that I could feel you
I hoped that I could heal you
But now I wish I’d never known you
Now I wish I’d never known you
Now I wish I’d never known
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5. |
Turning Tide
02:12
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When subside the tides of learning
When my reservoir drains dry
What will then fulfil my yearning
What will brighten up my sky
What will then keep my heart burning
Fuel the fire in my eye
Will the world still go on turning
When the embers fade and die
Will I even yearn at all
When my inspiration fades
Or just curl into a ball
And just draw down all the shades
Will my silent world grow small
Retiring in the mire I’ve made
Or will I reel so from my fall
I reach for the razor-blade
What’s the meaning of my birth
Why these strange sad songs
I’m singing
Have I sung a thing of worth
Is the bell I ring worth ringing
Why turn misery to mirth
Are my syphilitic gifts worth giving
Or am I tent pegged to the turf
Of a life that’s not worth living
When subside the tides of learning
When my reservoir drains dry
What will then fulfil my yearning
What will brighten up my sky
What will then keep my heart burning
Fuel the fire in my eye
Will the world still go on turning
When the embers fade and die
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6. |
I'll Be Your Mirror
03:37
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7. |
Last Lament
00:31
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I was broken from the winter
I was washed up on the shore
'Til you came to me and calmed me
Pulled that splinter from my paw
Once my dreams were torn and broken
Once my hope was almost spent
Now the dream has re-awoken
Let this be my last lament
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8. |
Little Lost
03:04
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Little boy lost
In a world devoid of pity
Midst the circuits of the city
Feels the cost
Of living on his own
And since he ran away from home
His world has grown
As his hunger has grown greater
For rocks of crystal white and golden brown
But still he holds his own against the cold
He finds a hole, a home
A place to penetrate a vein
And not come down
Little girl lost
In a world devoid of pity
Midst the circus of the city
Pays the cost
Of renting out her body
Lives a life of shame, a shoddy
Excuse of an existence
Cruelly tossed
Into a pit of pain where perverts
Take her, rape her, break her in and pin her down
Still she obliterates the ache
With every poison she can take
Just to escape this wretched world
To which she's bound
Give me wisdom, make me worthy
Keep me from all that may hurt me
That may enslave and deprave me
All the cruel and the unkind
Keep me from the pain and hurting
All the raw, the sore and dirty
That which may thwart and pervert me
And subvert my hurting mind
Little boy lost
In a world devoid of pity
Midst the circus of the city
Pays the cost
Of renting out his body
Lives a life of shame, a shoddy
Excuse of an existence
Cruelly tossed
Into a pit of pain where perverts
Take him, rape him, break him in and pin him down
Still he obliterates the ache
With every poison he can take
Just to escape this wretched world
To which he's bound
Little girl lost
In a world devoid of pity
Midst the circuits of the city
Feels the cost
Of living on her own
Because she’s got no one to phone
And since she ran away from home
Her world has grown
As her hunger has grown greater
For rocks of crystal white and golden brown
But still she holds her own against the cold
She finds a hole, a home
A place to penetrate a vein
And not come down
Give me wisdom, make me worthy
Keep me from all that may hurt me
That may enslave and deprave me
All the cruel and the unkind
Oh just to have one minute
Just to lose myself within it
Or go back and not begin it
Wipe the tape clean and rewind
Give me wisdom, make me worthy
Keep me from all that may hurt me
All that enslaves and depraves me
All the cruel and the unkind
Oh just to have one minute
Just to lose myself within it
Or go back and not begin it
…Or leave this life behind
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9. |
Mister Crystal
03:13
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Twisted mister crystal
Fuel my fire with your bright light
Let your piston-fisted pistol
Shoot white heat up me tonight
In dark corners make our dwelling
Out of hope and hunger’s reach
Clinging to the underbelly
By the skin of rotting teeth
Hold me harshly from existence
Let your sewer flood my sea
Whilst the city holds cold distance
From its harmed humanity
And now he has me in his tightened grip
And now I fear I’ve got myself a taste
I sense my wretched soul begin to slip
And feel my feeble body start to waste
So you danced me through the night time
And you dragged me through the day
Deep into another night time
Where I didn’t want to play
And you raped me in the gutter
Swept my senses from the shelf
With the shards of broken clutter
Which I used to call myself
For now he has me in his tightened grip
And now I fear I’ve got myself a taste
I sense my wretched soul begin to slip
And feel my feeble body start to waste
The claustrophobic walls are closing in
I feel him hold me hard and trap me tight
He opens me, as every sordid sin
Begins to make my soul its home tonight
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10. |
Mother & The Spoon
04:53
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At times, tormented by the tones
Of memories and mobile phones
Encased and cut off in my room
The walls and windows my cocoon
I’d lie in linen streaked with mud
And filter poison through my blood
Letting the languorous hours slide
Out of the spoon lain at my side
All time would slip beneath me then
Distorting space and vision
As if bobbed upon my ocean
Summoned softly by its moon
I’d be cradled by the currents
And the waters would not drown me
They’d just gently wrap around me
With the warmness of the womb
As hours passed, the haze would clear
A voice of shame resounding near
As, time-to-time my gaze would fall
To mother’s picture on the wall
Which gazed right back as if to say
“Dear child don’t throw your life away
Don’t wallow in your septic pit
Of filth, depravity and shit”
With gnawing guilt, inadequacy
White worms that writhe inside of me
I’d smoke a fag and have a drink
And hurt my head trying not to think
I’d gaze at mother, then the spoon
Then let my candle bathe the room
Letting its golden fingers lick
And cook myself another fix
Mother you’re fading faster now
Disjointed from my vision
As I’m swept away on currents
Cloying for my every breath
My childhood's but a memory
Mere glimpses of euphoria
That flood in waves and then cascade
Down to my deepest depths
Mother you’re fading faster now
Disjointed from my vision
As I’m swept away on currents
Cloying for my every breath
My childhood now is but a memory
Mere glimpses of euphoria
That flood in waves and then cascade
Down to my deepest depths
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11. |
Ghost
05:25
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Hooked on this hamster wheel
I'm going round again
My body yearns to feel
As the moth craves the bright flame
So I get burned
Oh how it hurts
But still I crave the pain
I lacerate my heart
The blood runs thick and red
I live prepared to die
As one already dead
My skin's too thin
I ache within
My hunger's never fed
There's times I'm wishing this life never had begun
I'm not a fighter and there's wars that must be won
I burnt my eyeballs out, just staring at the sun
Inside I'm dead, it's just my ghost that's holding on
I fall in love so fast
And hit the ground so hard
Would take a lot to heal
The scars inside my heart
But just to feel
The pain feels real
However much it hurts
There's times I'm wishing this life never had begun
I'm not a fighter and there's wars that must be won
I burnt my eyeballs out, just staring at the sun
Inside I'm dead, it's just my ghost that's holding on
Don't threaten me with love
I've heard that one before
Still I can't get enough
I just want more and more
An open heart
Loses blood fast
And leaves you drained and raw
Inside I'm dead
Inside I'm dead
It's just my ghost that's holding on
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12. |
Furnace
02:55
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There's some who'd want to hurt you
Some want to see you bleed
As others would pervert you
To satisfy their greed
This world is red in tooth and claw
The hunger to survive
I'm hurt yet I come back for more
Pain shows me I'm alive
And sinking in my darkest hour
So sure I will expire
I'm born again, born again from waves
Waves of blood and fire
There's some who'd want to break you
To stunt all you can be
Don't let their cruel words take you
Down to uncertainty
It's hate that feeds their anger
And fear that feeds their hate
Don't be the one to shoulder
The burden of that weight
And sinking in my darkest hour
So sure I will expire
I'm baptised, baptised in these waves
Waves of blood and fire
This is all I have to say
I cannot tell you more
It's in this fiery furnace
That my hardened heart was forged
And burning in the ashes
Of my youth's funeral pyre
A heart aglow, heart aglow
With blood and fire
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Oli Spleen Brighton, UK
A solo artist since 2012, Oli Spleen started making music way back in 2003 with his first band The Flesh Happening.
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