Fag Machine

by Oli Spleen

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1.
03:10
2.
02:12
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03:26
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03:03
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03:12
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02:32
9.
03:27
10.
04:09
11.
12.
04:14

credits

released December 5, 2013

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Oli Spleen Brighton, UK

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Track Name: Fag Machine
I have never felt part of your scene
I am not like you, I've never been
I don’t hold your hopes or share your dreams
I'm a motherfucking fag machine

I don’t want to buy your magazine
All it does is make me feel unclean
I am only here to vent my spleen
Like a motherfucking fag machine

I'm still trying to vent past wars not won
Of the lies of the father and the sins of this son
I don’t care if you don’t like me
And I see why you want to fight me

But I’m not like all the other queens
I’m not gonna try to treat you mean
I don’t even wanna keep you keen
I'm a motherfucking fag machine

I have never felt part of your scene
I am not like you, I've never been
I don’t care if you think it’s obscene
I'm a motherfucking fag machine

But I'm tired of all the sex with strangers
I'm through with all this flirting with danger

I don’t care if I remain alone
I just know I'm not a fucking clone
I don’t hold your hopes or share your dreams
I'm a motherfucking fag machine

I don’t want to buy your magazine
All it does is make me feel unclean
I am only here to vent my spleen
Like a motherfucking fag machine

Hold me heal me make me fresh
Cleanse me, these sins of the flesh

I have never felt part of your scene
I am not like you, I've never been
I don’t care if you think it’s obscene
I’m a motherfucking fag machine

But I'm not like all the other queens
I'm not gonna try to treat you mean
I don’t even wanna keep you keen
I'm a motherfucking fag machine

But I'm tired of all the sex with strangers
I'm through with all this flirting with danger

Don’t go down in the park
Don’t go down in the dark
Don’t get down on your knees
Don’t sell yourself to sleaze

Oh don’t go down there please
You’ll get a bad disease
It makes you feel unclean
Just like a fag machine

I have never felt part of your scene
I am not like you, I've never been
I don’t hold your hopes or share your dreams
I'm a motherfucking fag machine

I don’t want to buy your magazine
All it does is make me feel unclean
I am only here to vent my spleen
Like a motherfucking fag machine
Track Name: M.F.
Motherfuck
You drag me through your muck
Why don’t you lift us up
And get us high

Brother love
Why can’t we get enough
Instead of acting tough
Why don’t we try

Was there something that happened when you were just young
Did your daddy beat you and treat you all wrong

Motherfuck
You make your own bad luck
Your mind must be unstuck
Must be set free

So unkind
All love lost long behind
Open your narrow mind
And learn to see

This is your fate
Release the weight
Of all the hate
It’s not too late
This is your fate
It’s not too late
It’s not too late

Motherfuck
Why don’t you fill my cup
Why don’t you lift us up
Why don’t you lift us up

Motherfuck
You drag me through your muck
Why don’t you lift us up
And get us high

Brother love
Why can’t we get enough
Instead of acting tough
Why don’t we try

And the barricades you built yourself must soon fall
'Cause a mind cannot see when it’s trapped behind walls

Motherfuck
You make your own bad luck
Your mind must be unstuck
Must be set free

So unkind
All love lost long behind
Open your narrow mind
And learn to see

Brother love
Why can’t we get enough
Instead of acting tough
Why can’t we get enough
Why can’t we...
Track Name: Sacred Drug
I’m sorry
Do I know you
I just wandered into this web it seems
And I wondered, what you wanted
As I wanted you, wanted you to want me

How come you’re pumping in my blood
Can’t quit you now, my sacred drug

I’m sorry, do I know you
Well something tells me I think I'm going to

I can’t believe you’re in my arms
How come you’re pumping in my blood
Oh god I cannot put you down
Can’t quit you now, my sacred drug

I’m sorry, such confusion
Can’t believe you’re real, not some illusion

I can’t believe you’re in my arms
How come you’re pumping in my blood
Oh god I cannot put you down
Can’t quit you now, my sacred drug

I trace the contours of your flesh
The perfect lines from flank to chest
Your lovers smile, your bright wide eyes
How can it be you’re by my side

You’re in my arms and in my head
You’re in my life from out my dreams
I can’t believe you’re in my bed
Great as it feels, strange as it seems

A habit I don’t want to kick
You’re in my heart and in my blood
And I can’t get enough of it
Can’t quit you now, my sacred drug

I can’t believe you’re in my arms
How come you’re pumping in my blood
Oh god I cannot put you down
Can’t quit you now, my sacred drug

You’re in my arms and in my head
You’re in my life from out my dreams
I can’t believe you’re in my bed
Great as it feels, strange as it seems

A habit I don’t want to kick
You’re in my heart and in my blood
And I can’t get enough of it
Can’t quit you now, my sacred drug
Track Name: Brother Let Me Live
How my lowest lows
Seem so comforting
With nowhere down to go
With no more hope

Oh how small we are
In the scheme of things
And how short our lives
Still we cope

But I don’t want to die
Though I once thought I did
Now is not the time
To breathe my final sigh

Though there were times I’d tried
I walked that window ledge
But brother now I know
I don’t want to die

I played russian-roulette
The noose, the knife
I've bitten the bullet
Toyed with this life

But I don’t want to die
I'm just not ready yet
To say my last goodbyes
I've so much more to give

If should expire
So soon I would regret
All I've not yet done
Brother let me live

Darling, save yourself
Don’t enslave yourself
Don’t you make your home
In self-harm

For your tortured soul
Cannot become whole
‘till your defences
Are disarmed

I’ played russian-roulette
The knife, the noose
I've bitten the bullet
Searching for some truth

Death I once defied
Now catches up with me
Like unbending time
Fate does not forgive

I balanced on high
Danced on the precipice
I don’t want to die
Brother let me live

How my lowest lows
They seem so comforting
With nowhere down to go
With no more hope

Oh how small we are
In the scheme of things
And how short our lives
Still we cope

But I don’t want to die
I'm just not ready yet
To say my last goodbyes
I've so much more to give

If I should expire
So soon I would regret
All I have not done
Brother let me live
Brother let me live
Brother let me live
Track Name: Kicksville
Beat me
Rape me
Hate me
Whore me
Don’t just sit there
And ignore me

I’m a boy who takes a beating
And I love all the mistreating
Won’t you please indulge these sick thrills
We could settle down in Kicksville

Beat me
Rape me
Hate me
Whore me
Don’t just sit there
And ignore me

Harm me
Hurt me
Please mistreat me
If you loved me
You would beat me

Please indulge my every notion
Won’t you come and ride my ocean
All I feel is I’m a failure
Won’t you come and be my sailor

Beat me
Rape me
Hate me
Whore me
Don’t just sit there
And ignore me

Harm me
Hurt me
Please mistreat me
If you loved me
You would beat me

Mound of earth and grave of stone
I don’t want to die alone
I would rather have you with me
Even if it's you who kills me

Beat me
Rape me
Hate me
Whore me
Don’t just sit there
And ignore me

Rape me
Hate me
Whore me
Beat me
Let me feel your hate completely

Harm me
Hurt me
Please mistreat me
If you loved me
You would beat me

I’m a boy who takes a beating
And I love all the mistreating
Won’t you please indulge these sick thrills
We could settle down in Kicksville

Please indulge my every notion
Won’t you come and ride my ocean
All I feel is I’m a failure
Won’t you come and be my sailor

Rape me
Hate me
Whore me
Beat me
Let me feel your hate completely

Harm me
Hurt me
Please mistreat me
If you loved me
You would beat me

Beat me
Rape me
Hate me
Whore me
Don’t just sit there
And ignore me

Harm me
Hurt me
Please mistreat me
If you loved me
You would beat me
Track Name: Bury Me Now
I’ve fallen by the wayside
I fear there is no upside
I dug myself a hole
So I’ll lie in it
Come on then bury me now

I’m digging myself under
I tore myself asunder
I dug myself a hole
So I’ll lie in it
Come on then bury me now

‘Cause when you’re in the shit you better
Find some way out of it or else you
Keep sinking, sinking down
Why not lie in it
Come on then bury me now

To many times I cried
I don’t want no suicide
But when you're dead inside
Then you may as well
Come on then bury me now

My soul is soiled and rotten
I think I’ve reached rock bottom
I dug myself a hole
So I’ll lie in it
Come on then bury me now

I grasp but can’t catch hold and
What soul I had is sold and
I dug myself a hole
So I’ll lie in it
Come on then bury me now

Bury me bury me bury me now
Bury me bury me bury me now
Bury me bury me bury me now
Bury me bury me bury me now

Bury me bury me bury me now
Bury me bury me bury me now
Bury me bury me bury me now
So I’ll die in it come on then bury me now
Track Name: Tranquillised Lives
Now that broken’s real
Now that fixed is fake
I think I chose the side
That I want to take

Let my mind transpose
Lull me in its lie
Desensitise my lows
Anaesthetise my highs

Tranquillise my life
I can’t stand to feel
Numb me from this world
Hold me from what’s real

Let the cloying comfort
Encase me in its arms
So I feel safe from trouble
So I feel safe from harm

Tranquillise my life

But I know this feeling won’t last
I don’t want to come down

When the walls fall down
When this bubble bursts
Tranquillise me more
I can’t stand to hurt

Make the feeling flow
Over me again
Hasten my descent
Into oblivion

Tranquillise my life
Tranquillise my life

I’ve annulled my grieving
I’ve numbed all that’s real
There’s nothing worth believing
There’s nothing left to feel

A wall around my brain
Shields me from life’s knives
So I can’t feel the pain
I tranquillised my life
I tranquillised my life
I tranquillised my ...life
Track Name: Gilded Cage
Finding love in a cynical world
You are not just some fag hag
But you’re my best friend not my girl
I could fuck you but it ain’t my bag

Course I love you and I’m always here
Thick or thin I’m welded to your side
And I know you’ll always keep me near
There's no escaping you, although I’ve tried

You know I’ll never leave you
As you’ll never leave me be
But darling I don’t need you
Quite as much as you need me

Finding hope in uncertain times
Goodness knows we’ve looked for love
And you know I love your damaged mind
You and me are just so messed up

I clothe you and I feed you
But you show me how to be
So maybe then I need you
Just as much as you need me

We live inside each other’s gilded cage
And I’ll be there for you until old age

Finding love in a cynical world
You are not just some fag hag
But you’re my best friend not my girl
I could fuck you but it ain’t my bag

Maybe we both are in love
We could settle down and have some kids
But the sex would mess things up
And we’d fuck up like our parents did

You’d keep me in your gilded cage
Just yearning to be free
When darling I don’t need you
Quite as much as you need me

You sing to me and bring to me
Most everything you do
But maybe you don’t need me
Quite as much as I need you

We live inside each other’s gilded cage
And you’ll be there for me until old age
Track Name: Abyss
It was made with good intent
Those first few steps, your brave ascent
And everything you underwent
With all the substances imbibed

All the highs and all the hurting
Red and raw and sore and dirty
You continue to pervert me
To subvert my hurting mind

But when you scaled that mountainside
Descended the slippery slide
The fall was deep, so deep and wide
And there’s no way back from suicide

How I longed, how I listened
How I hung on every minute
How I found myself within it
So addicted to your charms

Until I’d found, that I’d fallen
And this feeling can’t fulfill me
So why didn’t you just kill me
Smothered slowly in your arms

Cause when I climbed that mountainside
I got so high I thought I’d died
With only you there as my guide
The path we took was suicide…

When there’s no way back
There’s just one way down
When there’s no way back
There’s just one way down

But when you scaled that mountainside
Descended the slippery slide
The fall was deep, so deep and wide
And there’s no way back from suicide…

When I had you beside me
No moral compass left to guide me
Only what hope I had inside me
As we crossed the great divide

And when I climbed that mountainside
I got so high I thought I’d died
With only you there as my guide
The path we took was suicide…

And now I feel my mind begin to slip
And now I fear I’ve got myself a taste
I feel my fall down into the abyss
My psyche and my soul begin to waste

You gave to me a final kiss
Before you went to take the ride
That fall into the deep abyss
The slide into your suicide

When I had you beside me
No moral compass left to guide me
Only what hope I had inside me
As we crossed the great divide

And when I climbed that mountainside
I got so high I thought I’d died
With only you there as my guide
The path we took was suicide

Yes when you scaled that mountainside
Descended the slippery slide
The fall was deep, so deep and wide
And there’s no way back from suicide…
Track Name: Screwed Love
Show my mercy
I never meant to cause you harm
My heart is broken
And you’ve twisted both my arms

You were my mirror
There was so much you made me see
Now I see clearer
That you reflect the bad in me

In turn I’ll take all I can take
And I will twist all things around
I’ll test your limits till you break
And I will kick you when you’re down

Is this true love
This screwed love

Is this true love
This screwed love

Please forgive me
I never meant you any harm
My heart is open
Now that you’ve broken both my arms

You know I miss you
In your absence I grow sick
Because I need you
Just like a junkie needs a fix

In turn you’ll take all you can take
And you will twist all things around
You’ll test my limits till you break me
And then rape me when I’m down

And I thank you, and I thank you
For the moments that you gave
For making me your lover
And your brother, and your slave

In this screwed love
This screwed love

Is this true love
This screwed love

Please excuse me
I didn’t mean to make a fuss
I know I chose this
I must’ve know that soon enough

I would feel trapped here
In the confines of your cage
But I chose this
I submitted to your rage

Yes In truth I asked for all this
And I mapped out my own fate
To be the vent for all your anger
All your hunger and your hate

So I thank you, oh I thank you
For the moments that you gave
For making me your lover
And your brother, and your slave

In this screwed love
This screwed love

Is this true love
This screwed love

Is this true love
This screwed love

Is this true love
This screwed love
Track Name: Everybody Wants It All For Free
You want it
You want it
Everybody wants it
‘till you’ve got it
You got it
Got it then it’s gone

And we’re all searching
We’re searching
Everybody’s searching
For our place
A place
A place beneath the sun

You want a piece
A piece
You want a piece of me
So I’ll keep giving
And giving
And giving ‘till I’m spent

And still you want it
You want it
You want it all for free
But that don’t pay the rent, boy
No that don’t pay my rent

I’m tired of trying to sell myself
But what else can I be
When everybody wants it
But they want it all for free

So you can take it
Oh take it
Everybody take it
You can have it
Have it
Take it ‘till there’s none

And I’ll keep giving
And giving
I’m learning how to fake it
So I’ll fake it
And fake it
Pretend I’m having fun

You want a piece
A piece
You want a piece of me
And so I’ll keep giving
And giving
Pretending that I’m fine

And still you want it
You want it
You want it all for free
So I’ll keep giving
And giving
My pearls to all you swine
Track Name: Death Rattle
I know I will not live
Until an age that’s ripe and old
I feel this fear more certain
As the virus takes its hold
And I fight a loosing battle
As if something can be gained
As my heart infects with fluid
That is needing to be drained
And this heart can’t go on giving
And this body’s just a shell
And it’s not as if I’m living
But this limbo’s living hell

I’m strangled by my lymph glands
With a pressure that constricts
My guts are passing liquids
And my stomach swims with sick
I’m taunted by my nightmares
When I wake I’m still in hell
I’m free from all my wanting
Except wanting to be well
And inside something seems certain
Forcing from this futile flesh
The time is now
This is my death
This is my death

They strap me to a bed
And then wire needles to my veins
And the chemicals burn caustic
But nothing relieves the pain
And they say they don’t know what’s wrong
Yet they try every device
And they say my fever’s rising
But my body feels like ice
My twisted limbs contort
As night sweats leave my body wracked
I try to let air in my lungs
But they only contract
And wheeze a rasping rattle
As I gasp for my last breath
I know its time
This is my death
This is…

My life just seems like nothing
A mere moment since my birth
And just what are my achievements
Have I done a thing of worth
Did my life have any purpose
Something I was living for
If I could live it all again
I would do so much more
Please live life to the fullest, child
But don’t burn out too fast
Just try to grab each moment
As if it may be your last
And I reach a new awareness
As I breathe a deeper breath
This aint my time
Its not my death
Its not my death