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Fag Machine

by Oli Spleen

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1.
Fag Machine 03:10
I have never felt part of your scene I am not like you, I've never been I don’t hold your hopes or share your dreams I'm a motherfucking fag machine I don’t want to buy your magazine All it does is make me feel unclean I am only here to vent my spleen Like a motherfucking fag machine I'm still trying to vent past wars not won Of the lies of the father and the sins of this son I don’t care if you don’t like me And I see why you want to fight me But I’m not like all the other queens I’m not gonna try to treat you mean I don’t even wanna keep you keen I'm a motherfucking fag machine I have never felt part of your scene I am not like you, I've never been I don’t care if you think it’s obscene I'm a motherfucking fag machine But I'm tired of all the sex with strangers I'm through with all this flirting with danger I don’t care if I remain alone I just know I'm not a fucking clone I don’t hold your hopes or share your dreams I'm a motherfucking fag machine I don’t want to buy your magazine All it does is make me feel unclean I am only here to vent my spleen Like a motherfucking fag machine Hold me heal me make me fresh Cleanse me, these sins of the flesh But I'm tired of all the sex with strangers I'm through with all this flirting with danger Don’t go down in the park Don’t go down in the dark Don’t get down on your knees Don’t sell yourself to sleaze Oh don’t go down there please You’ll get a bad disease It makes you feel unclean Just like a fag machine I have never felt part of your scene I am not like you, I've never been I don’t hold your hopes or share your dreams I'm a motherfucking fag machine I don’t want to buy your magazine All it does is make me feel unclean I am only here to vent my spleen Like a motherfucking fag machine
2.
M.F. 02:12
Motherfuck You drag me through your muck Why don’t you lift us up And get us high Brother love Why can’t we get enough Instead of acting tough Why don’t we try Was there something that happened when you were just young Did your daddy beat you and treat you all wrong Motherfuck You make your own bad luck Your mind must be unstuck Must be set free So unkind All love lost long behind Open your narrow mind And learn to see This is your fate Release the weight Of all the hate It’s not too late This is your fate It’s not too late It’s not too late Motherfuck Why don’t you fill my cup Why don’t you lift us up Why don’t you lift us up Motherfuck You drag me through your muck Why don’t you lift us up And get us high Brother love Why can’t we get enough Instead of acting tough Why don’t we try And the barricades you built yourself must soon fall 'Cause a mind cannot see when it’s trapped behind walls Motherfuck You make your own bad luck Your mind must be unstuck Must be set free So unkind All love lost long behind Open your narrow mind And learn to see Brother love Why can’t we get enough Instead of acting tough Why can’t we get enough Why can’t we...
3.
Sacred Drug 03:26
I’m sorry Do I know you I just wandered into this web it seems And I wondered, what you wanted As I wanted you, wanted you to want me How come you’re pumping in my blood Can’t quit you now, my sacred drug I’m sorry, do I know you Well something tells me I think I'm going to I can’t believe you’re in my arms How come you’re pumping in my blood Oh god I cannot put you down Can’t quit you now, my sacred drug I’m sorry, such confusion Can’t believe you’re real, not some illusion I can’t believe you’re in my arms How come you’re pumping in my blood Oh god I cannot put you down Can’t quit you now, my sacred drug I trace the sinews of your flesh The perfect lines from flank to chest Your lovers smile, your bright wide eyes How can it be you’re by my side You’re in my arms and in my head You’re in my life from out my dreams I can’t believe you’re in my bed Great as it feels, strange as it seems A habit I don’t want to kick You’re in my heart and in my blood And I can’t get enough of it Can’t quit you now, my sacred drug I can’t believe you’re in my arms How come you’re pumping in my blood Oh god I cannot put you down Can’t quit you now, my sacred drug You’re in my arms and in my head You’re in my life from out my dreams I can’t believe you’re in my bed Great as it feels, strange as it seems A habit I don’t want to kick You’re in my heart and in my blood And I can’t get enough of it Can’t quit you now, my sacred drug
4.
How my lowest lows Seem so comforting With nowhere down to go With no more hope Oh how small we are In the scheme of things And how short our lives Still we cope But I don’t want to die Though I once thought I did Now is not the time To breathe my final sigh Though there were times I’d tried I walked that window ledge But brother now I know I don’t want to die I played russian-roulette The noose, the knife I've bitten the bullet Toyed with this life But I don’t want to die I'm just not ready yet To say my last goodbyes I've so much more to give If should expire So soon I would regret All I've not yet done Brother let me live Darling, save yourself Don’t enslave yourself Don’t you make your home In self-harm For your tortured soul Cannot become whole ‘till your defences Are disarmed I’ played russian-roulette The knife, the noose I've bitten the bullet Searching for some truth Death I once defied Now catches up with me Like unbending time Fate does not forgive I balanced on high Danced on the precipice I don’t want to die Brother let me live How my lowest lows They seem so comforting With nowhere down to go With no more hope Oh how small we are In the scheme of things And how short our lives Still we cope But I don’t want to die I'm just not ready yet To say my last goodbyes I've so much more to give If I should expire So soon I would regret All I have not done Brother let me live Brother let me live Brother let me live
5.
Kicksville 03:03
Beat me Rape me Hate me Whore me Don’t just sit there And ignore me I’m a boy who takes a beating And I love all the mistreating Won’t you please indulge these sick thrills We could settle down in Kicksville Beat me Rape me Hate me Whore me Don’t just sit there And ignore me Harm me Hurt me Please mistreat me If you loved me You would beat me Please indulge my every notion Won’t you come and ride my ocean All I feel is I’m a failure Won’t you come and be my sailor Beat me Rape me Hate me Whore me Don’t just sit there And ignore me Harm me Hurt me Please mistreat me If you loved me You would beat me Mound of earth and grave of stone I don’t want to die alone I would rather have you with me Even if it's you who kills me Beat me Rape me Hate me Whore me Don’t just sit there And ignore me Rape me Hate me Whore me Beat me Let me feel your hate completely Harm me Hurt me Please mistreat me If you loved me You would beat me I’m a boy who takes a beating And I love all the mistreating Won’t you please indulge these sick thrills We could settle down in Kicksville Please indulge my every notion Won’t you come and ride my ocean All I feel is I’m a failure Won’t you come and be my sailor Rape me Hate me Whore me Beat me Let me feel your hate completely Harm me Hurt me Please mistreat me If you loved me You would beat me Beat me Rape me Hate me Whore me Don’t just sit there And ignore me Harm me Hurt me Please mistreat me If you loved me You would beat me
6.
Bury Me Now 03:12
I’ve fallen by the wayside I fear there is no upside I dug myself a hole So I’ll lie in it Come on then bury me now I’m digging myself under I tore myself asunder I dug myself a hole So I’ll lie in it Come on then bury me now ‘Cause when you’re in the shit you better Find some way out of it or else you Keep sinking, sinking down Why not lie in it Come on then bury me now To many times I cried I don’t want no suicide But when you're dead inside Then you may as well Come on then bury me now My soul is soiled and rotten I think I’ve reached rock bottom I dug myself a hole So I’ll lie in it Come on then bury me now I grasp but can’t catch hold and What soul I had is sold and I dug myself a hole So I’ll lie in it Come on then bury me now Bury me bury me bury me now Bury me bury me bury me now Bury me bury me bury me now Bury me bury me bury me now Bury me bury me bury me now Bury me bury me bury me now Bury me bury me bury me now So I’ll die in it come on then bury me now
7.
Now that broken’s real Now that fixed is fake I think I chose the side That I want to take Let my mind transpose Lull me in its lie Desensitise my lows Anaesthetise my highs Tranquillise my life I can’t stand to feel Numb me from this world Hold me from what’s real Let the cloying comfort Encase me in its arms So I feel safe from trouble So I feel safe from harm Tranquillise my life But I know this feeling won’t last I don’t want to come down When the walls fall down When this bubble bursts Tranquillise me more I can’t stand to hurt Make the feeling flow Over me again Hasten my descent Into oblivion Tranquillise my life Tranquillise my life I’ve annulled my grieving I’ve numbed all that’s real There’s nothing worth believing There’s nothing left to feel A wall around my brain Shields me from life’s knives So I can’t feel the pain I tranquillised my life I tranquillised my life I tranquillised my ...life
8.
Gilded Cage 02:32
Finding love in a cynical world You are not just some fag hag But you’re my best friend not my girl I could fuck you but it ain’t my bag Course I love you and I’m always here Thick or thin I’m welded to your side And I know you’ll always keep me near There's no escaping you, although I’ve tried You know I’ll never leave you As you’ll never leave me be But darling I don’t need you Quite as much as you need me Finding hope in uncertain times Goodness knows we’ve looked for love And you know I love your damaged mind You and me are just so messed up I clothe you and I feed you But you show me how to be So maybe then I need you Just as much as you need me We live inside each other’s gilded cage And I’ll be there for you until old age Finding love in a cynical world You are not just some fag hag But you’re my best friend not my girl I could fuck you but it ain’t my bag Maybe we both are in love We could settle down and have some kids But the sex would mess things up And we’d fuck up like our parents did You’d keep me in your gilded cage Just yearning to be free When darling I don’t need you Quite as much as you need me You sing to me and bring to me Most everything you do But maybe you don’t need me Quite as much as I need you We live inside each other’s gilded cage And you’ll be there for me until old age
9.
Abyss 03:27
It was made with good intent Those first few steps, your brave ascent And everything you underwent With all the substances imbibed All the highs and all the hurting Red and raw and sore and dirty You continue to pervert me To subvert my hurting mind But when you scaled that mountainside Descended the slippery slide The fall was deep, so deep and wide And there’s no way back from suicide How I longed, how I listened How I hung on every minute How I found myself within it So addicted to your charms Until I’d found, that I’d fallen And this feeling can’t fulfill me So why didn’t you just kill me Smothered slowly in your arms Cause when I climbed that mountainside I got so high I thought I’d died With only you there as my guide The path we took was suicide… When there’s no way back There’s just one way down When there’s no way back There’s just one way down But when you scaled that mountainside Descended the slippery slide The fall was deep, so deep and wide And there’s no way back from suicide… When I had you beside me No moral compass left to guide me Only what hope I had inside me As we crossed the great divide And when I climbed that mountainside I got so high I thought I’d died With only you there as my guide The path we took was suicide… And now I feel my mind begin to slip And now I fear I’ve got myself a taste I feel my fall down into the abyss My psyche and my soul begin to waste You gave to me a final kiss Before you went to take the ride That fall into the deep abyss The slide into your suicide When I had you beside me No moral compass left to guide me Only what hope I had inside me As we crossed the great divide And when I climbed that mountainside I got so high I thought I’d died With only you there as my guide The path we took was suicide Yes when you scaled that mountainside Descended the slippery slide The fall was deep, so deep and wide And there’s no way back from suicide…
10.
Screwed Love 04:09
Show my mercy I never meant to cause you harm My heart is broken And you’ve twisted both my arms You were my mirror There was so much you made me see Now I see clearer That you reflect the bad in me In turn I’ll take all I can take And I will twist all things around I’ll test your limits till you break And I will kick you when you’re down Is this true love This screwed love Is this true love This screwed love Please forgive me I never meant you any harm My heart is open Now that you’ve broken both my arms You know I miss you In your absence I grow sick Because I need you Just like a junkie needs a fix In turn you’ll take all you can take And you will twist all things around You’ll test my limits till you break me And then rape me when I’m down And I thank you, and I thank you For the moments that you gave For making me your lover And your brother, and your slave In this screwed love This screwed love Is this true love This screwed love Please excuse me I didn’t mean to make a fuss I know I chose this I must’ve know that soon enough I would feel trapped here In the confines of your cage But I chose this I submitted to your rage Yes In truth I asked for all this And I mapped out my own fate To be the vent for all your anger All your hunger and your hate So I thank you, oh I thank you For the moments that you gave For making me your lover And your brother, and your slave In this screwed love This screwed love Is this true love This screwed love Is this true love This screwed love Is this true love This screwed love
11.
You want it You want it Everybody wants it ‘till you’ve got it You got it Got it then it’s gone And we’re all searching We’re searching Everybody’s searching For our place A place A place beneath the sun You want a piece A piece You want a piece of me So I’ll keep giving And giving And giving ‘till I’m spent And still you want it You want it You want it all for free But that don’t pay the rent, boy No that don’t pay my rent I’m tired of trying to sell myself But what else can I be When everybody wants it But they want it all for free So you can take it Oh take it Everybody take it You can have it Have it Take it ‘till there’s none And I’ll keep giving And giving I’m learning how to fake it So I’ll fake it And fake it Pretend I’m having fun You want a piece A piece You want a piece of me And so I’ll keep giving And giving Pretending that I’m fine And still you want it You want it You want it all for free So I’ll keep giving And giving My pearls to all you swine
12.
Death Rattle 04:14
I know I will not live Until an age that’s ripe and old I feel this fear more certain As the virus takes its hold And I fight a losing battle As if something can be gained As my heart infects with fluid That is needing to be drained And this heart can’t go on giving And this body’s just a shell And it’s not as if I’m living But this limbo’s living hell I’m strangled by my lymph glands With a pressure that constricts My guts are passing liquids And my stomach swims with sick I’m taunted by my nightmares When I wake I’m still in hell I’m free from all my wanting Except wanting to be well And inside something seems certain Forcing from this futile flesh The time is now This is my death This is my death They strap me to a bed And then wire needles to my veins And the chemicals burn caustic But nothing relieves the pain And they say they don’t know what’s wrong Yet they try every device And they say my fever’s rising But my body feels like ice My twisted limbs contort As night sweats leave my body wracked I try to let air in my lungs But they only contract And wheeze a rasping rattle As I gasp for my last breath I know its time This is my death This is… My life just seems like nothing A mere moment since my birth And just what are my achievements Have I done a thing of worth Did my life have any purpose Something I was living for If I could live it all again I would do so much more Please live life to the fullest, child But don’t burn out too fast Just try to grab each moment As if it may be your last And I reach a new awareness As I breathe a deeper breath This aint my time It's not my death It's not my death

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released December 5, 2013

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Oli Spleen Brighton, UK

A solo artist since 2012, Oli Spleen started making music way back in 2003 with his first band The Flesh Happening.

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